Dear Sam
by pain66
Summary: A letter Andy wrote to sam to express feelings she could not say to his face, but he needed to know One Shot
1. Chapter 1

Dear Sam,

I am sitting in my room writing this letter. Although, I'm not the type to express my thoughts in this way, I'd rather say in writing and not to your face because I don't know if I could handle the look on your face. I wonder why things had to change when they were messy from the start. We may have not been perfect but together we were each other's perfect mess.

Why do we have to lose everything that we have always been holding onto after everything that we've been through together?

I keep thinking that this loneliness, this sadness and this emptiness will be gone if I keep you by my side. But now, I realize that even though someone is near you they can feel distant. Was it because I was forcing them to continue staying by my side? Was it because you don't feel the way I wanted you too? Was it because I was too selfish to realize what you truly felt? Was it because I was always focusing on my feelings and that I didn't even have the time to consider what you felt? Or was it because you saw right through me?

I thought that this love was our destiny. I thought that you would always stay by my side because I felt something connect between us when we first met. All I ever wanted for us was to be happy, but I guess things weren't like the way they were before.

I just wanted to say that even after all we've been through, you taught me something special. Even though our love didn't last I truly realize how it feels like to have had a true love.

You might already know what I'm about to say so please forgive me. I couldn't give you everything you wanted and I feel pathetic that I couldn't. While we were together there were times when you truly smiled and times when I saw fake smiles. To tell you the truth, I hated myself every time you had to force yourself in that way. I just wanted to tell you that you didn't have to make-believe. It didn't matter to me who you were but I guess I just didn't want you to see it that way.

We weren't together for very long but we both know our relationship changed after those years of friendship. We changed. And in your heart I think you realized it too. Maybe the time we had together got us to realize that we needed some time apart. You might have thought that the break would be a couple of weeks or a couple of months but I had no idea. Every time we fought I hated myself for it. Somehow, even though we loved each other, we lost that magical bond that kept us together. I know that sounds like an excuse, but please forgive me when I say that I didn't mean to break your faith or your heart and I can't blame you for trying to fall in love with someone else.

I'll understand if you never want to talk to me again, just as I'll understand if you tell me that you hate me. Part of me hates me, too. Even though you may not want to hear it, I want you to know that you'll always hold a special part in my heart. You're one of a kind, you're kind and gentle, reliable and understanding, but more than that you're the first guy I ever truly loved with everything. And no matter what the future brings, you will always hold a place in my heart, and I know my life is better for it. I'm sorry for a lot of things, but ill never be sorry for what times we had together.

Forever Andy


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Andy,

Although I understand writing is not your thing, you would also understand it is not mine. With the same understanding I chose to respond as best I could back, letters are like reports you just want to get them done quickly and efficiently as possible.

I hope you understand that although our times together were in fact mess I don't regret them. We have always known that we were different, opposites right from the start, this was both a blessing and a curse. I don't blame you for wanting more from me, my only regret is that I couldn't give that to you.

I always did understand that when you ran it was because you were scared, I never blamed you for this either, as I put my walls up in a way to keep others out, running like you.

Our partnership is something that I will always hold close, it may have started off rocky but it developed into a true partnership, friendship, and then relationship this I will never deny. Even though parts of those relationships have changed, I will always be your friend and have your back please believe this.

Everything else between us, is just that, in the past. We have both grown and learned and this is also something we gained from one another, and I will always hold close. I do hope that you can be happy, and can continue to have your lion's heart, this makes you very special person and a damn fine copper. I will never hate you, or the mess that made us learn and grow from one another, the only thing that I will continue to hate and blame is myself for losing a part of myself for which I now understand there really is not going back.

Always your partner

Sam

a/n:

very short I know just a small note back, seeming in sam's style, maybe continue with continued letter not sure let me know what you think

review as always

Cheers PP


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